No. I Don’t Have Tourrette’s. I’m A Mother.

Elowyn, 22 months

This morning, as I nursed my one-month-old, ate a bowl of cereal, and spoon-fed my toddler breakfast all at the same time, it occurred to me that if I blogged the way I talk then it would read something like this:

Having two young daughters is a lot of – don’t touch that – that fun. My toddler turns two later this – swallow your food! Down, down, down in your tummy! – later this month. She’s adapting really well to having a younger sibling – be quiet! Are you all done? – She fetches clean – down – diapers, throws away dirty diapers, and loves to give her little sister kisses – OH MY GOSH! GET DOWN FROM THERE!!! Seriously child! – Thankfully, she already sleeps through the night so I only get woken up No! to feed the baby.

Now, the baby on the other hand – don’t feed her chips – wakes up at midnight, 2:00 AM, 4:00 AM, and 6:00 AM to nurse, so I’m definitely – I asked you to stop it – sleep deprived. I’m hoping by the time – what are you getting into? – she is four months old she’ll be sleeping through the night – Hush! – too. Use your big girl words. As it is, I’m lucky if I get four straight hours. Why do you smell like poop?

So anyway, I’m hoping once I can get them both on a schedule I’ll be more rested. I want to relaunch my writing and PR business – NNNNOOOOO! PUT THE KEYS DOWN! GET AWAY FROM THAT OUTLET! HOT! HOT! BAAAAAD OUCHIE! No! – but this time I want to only have one or two clients. Maybe three once I really get the hang of – do you want a spanking? – two children. Look what you did! You locked Mommy’s phone for fifteen minutes. Now how am I going to call Daddy? I want to focus on cause-oriented clients, such as a medical practice, family law firm, or non profit. Something I can really – eat it – be passionate about, and emotionally invest myself in, you know? You pooped didn’t you?

I need to blog more too. I really feel like blogging regularly – off the table! – will help build my readership so I can more effectively get the word out about my clients, but also – go get Mommy a clean diaper – my books and music, and of course Jason’s music. Anyway, that’s my plan. We’ll see if and when I can pull it off. Come here! Let’s clean that poop off your bum.